Do you think saying the wrong thing when counseling a friend on grief can harm a friendship?
Upset My Friend
I have taken several psychology courses in high school and college. I know about freud, piaget, erickson, you name it. When my friend was going through a tough time with her boyfriend, I tried counseling her through it. I tried listening to upbeat music for music therapy, we watched comedy movies for humor therapy, and we did yoga every morning for spiritual balance. She was feeling better at the end of the week, but when I told her that I could relate because me and my boyfriend had a bad break for a while, she yelled at me! She said I couldn't possibly know what she was going through and she hasn't talked to me since. What gives?
While your intentions were good, Aubrey, you did a cardinal sin when it comes to grief counseling: You never tell someone you know how they feel. Not only does this often offend the person who is already upset about the bad situation, but it is a false idea. Your relationship and hers are probably very different, and so are break ups. Even multiple break ups in the same couple can each be different. You might be better off just letting her know you care, even if you don't know exactly how she feels.
I think it is a little messed up that your friend isn't talking to you. You obviously were trying to help her!
Well, Lavender, while it is easy for us to say that the friend is over reacting, that might be part of her grieving process. I agree that Aubrey broke one of the basic rules about counseling a friend on grief, but many of us have. Even saying that the deceased is in a better place has offended some of my closest friends. Grief is just a difficult thing and must be handled gently and with love.
My girls fight with their friends all the time. It usually isn't long before they are best buddies again. My oldest is 20 and she and her "bff" just had a falling out over something that was said around school. They had some tears and words about it, but they went to a movie just last night together!
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